Sometimes when things get tough, I go into “fix it mode.”

As in, what can I do, right now, to immediately make the situation easier for everyone involved?

It’s like when I feel a challenge creeping up, every fiber of me stands on guard to try to protect and deflect.

But most of the time, this behavior only ends up causing the challenge to surface elsewhere, later, and oftentimes more intensely.

It’s like in yoga class: when you get to that point in Balancing Stick Pose where you just don’t think you hang on one more second but then you do, you automatically become stronger. Stronger physically, yes, but so much stronger mentally. You took that challenging head on, embraced it, dealt with it, breathed through it, and came out the other side knowing that you can thrive through that crazy cardio, heart-pounding, blood pumping feeling.

Or if you’ve take hot pilates at my studio, and you know that 8th round of mountain climbers is going to be the most challenging thing you do all day but you perservere, your body and your mind become unstoppable. You know it’s a challenge, you don’t wish it away, and you’re more determined and confident because you worked through it.

Last night as I was getting ready to head out to the studio, Joseph, my four-and-a-half year old, looked at me and said,

“Don’t go to the studio tonight, mom. Why do you have to go to work?”

Can you actually hear my heart fracturing in two?

Ugh, it did.

And the truth is, I didn’t have to go. I wasn’t scheduled to teach; I wanted to be there to take the class of our newest teacher. She would have been fine without me, but taking class and talking yoga afterwards brings me so much joy. It’s one of my favorite part about owning my studio.

When Joseph asked me not to go, I imeediately went into fix it mode:

What if I gave him his evening cup of milk a little earlier?

What if I pushed him for five more minutes on the swing?

What if he got an extra cookie for dessert?

All of these things to distract from the fact that I would still be leaving.

And then I had the thought: well what if I just don’t go?

Sometimes yes, it’s good to stay home and have that family time. Lots of times acually. But for me, and I’m sure moms everywhere, having that work responsibility or volunteer commitment or even social activty that’s completely and 100% mine – ours – yours – serves as the necessary component at helping us feel whole.

I know that if I didn’t come to the studio last night, I would have ended up being pretty bummed about it. And that bumming out would rub off on my kids.

And that would not have made anyone happy.

In the moment, it slayed me when Joseph asked me not to go. But for one of the first times, I didn’t get all reactionary. Instead, I said,

“Listen buddy, I’ve got to be there tonight, but would you like to do some yoga with me in the morning?”

And he got totally pumped about that!

Phew.

While these little interactions won’t always end up so smooth, and I’m sure as the kids get older there will be more and more times when I do need to skip out on yoga or work, I’m trying to be super aware that sometimes there just are challenges.

And that’s ok.

I’m so grateful that I was able to get in for that class last night, because Lysa, our new teacher, had the best message during Savasana.

She said:

“Change is hard. And staying the same is harder.”

It’s atually quite liberating to just say:

This is a challenge. Working, raising kids, juggling a household, it gets tough. 

There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that. Even saying the words out loud often makes me feel better. I’m trying to honor those challenging moments for what they are and not feeling pressure to fix them right away.

Because really, challenges are what make us better. Stronger. More determined.

After all, I can’t expect to improve my arm strength and get a strong core and maintain my cardio health if I skip the challenging Mountain Climbers and Balancing Sticks 🙂

Here’s a few pictures of the kids doing yoga this morning, as promised.

Happy sweating!